#it's so weird for me to think of it as a book sometimes bc in our imaginary this is like the greatest work that ever existed that lives and
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Ur art is such an inspiration and motivation for me, as a fellow artist. Iāve been following ur stuff for a bit now and I was wondering how you decided to draw loid, yor, and anya the way you do. I say this bc I really want to start making my own fan arts, but i struggle to take this anime style and have these character read as [insert character] without it being in a āanime style.ā
And I guess this applies to any character you want take from a media, and translate it into your style. Bc i donāt necessarily think ur art style is considered āanimeā i kinda just see it as an abstraction ig. But even if it is, it isnāt in the style of anime show is yk? Yet the characters read as who theyāre supposed to be.
And I think a while back you u mentioned that you were struggling on decided how to draw loid. ig i wanna know How did you come to the decision that āyes, this looks correct and I wanna draw him like this.ā
Is it finding defining feature and proportions? Just messing around until you figure something out? And I assume you make a character sheet to keep it consistent?
Like i literally go to art school but cant draw anything without a reference photo and it killing me ššš
Sorry for the yapp iām just down bad rn and really love ur work. Please help be get out of the reference photo trapš
Also sorry if this reads weird and has errors iām sleep deprived and canāt bring myself to go back and reread
WHAIUGOUGH???? UR TOO KIND??? THANK U
i will try my best to answer below, but i dont think it is anything profound or super secret lmao
so i think that artists get really caught up with finding/establishing a style when they are first starting out. i say this because i was no different. to me it was like 'oh if i have a style then i am a Real artist instead of just a copier'
but like, i think that order is backwards. like the more that you draw things you enjoy, the more those drawings will become your own and in your 'style' if that makes sense. heavy emphasis on the quantity here. you just gotta go really at it. and the best way to do this is through sheer quantity tbh.
however at the same time, i dont really agree with the whole 'draw x things per day every day' thing cuz sometimes thats just hard man. i mean you mentioned you were in art school so you're probably drawing every day anyways, but for a hobbyist or fanartist (me lol) its mostly based on whether u feel like drawing or not. Which is why its rlly cool when you have a show/book/movie/anything you're really into which makes you want to draw more! it becomes something fun rather than a chore.
so basically, dont view a style as something you have to develop right away, or turn drawing into a chore, because that will be very counteractive trust me.
another important thing i wanted to mention, you said "reference photo trap" but ITS NOT A TRAP! USE REFERENCES!!! REFERENCES ARE IMPORTANT AND GOOD (i am assuming you already know this, but using references is not the same as tracing. just to make it clear)
this is another thing common with newer artists (and of course how i used to be), where you feel like you have to draw 'from your mind' for it to be an indicator of any skill. NOT TRUE!! you need to use references to get better!
lastly, to answer your question (as best i can lol) there was never any point when i decided 'yes this is it' when drawing. you just draw and draw and keep changing and growing. it is a little of everything you said (defining features, proportions, messing around) but it is also just drawing a lot and having fun! :D oh and i definitely do not have a character sheet. i am not anywhere near that organized LMAO
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Maybe Iāll finally Wanze post soon
#as in a more official lore post like holt awol and sonderbar got#ALSO IM SO SO SORRY I STILL AM GONNA ANSWER THOSE INBOX ASKS J SWEAR#Wanze is on the mind there is bugs in my brain!!! wow just like holt huh#their relationship is wild to me they go from barely knowing each other (occasional hallway acquaintances)#to Wanze essentially having the equivalent of a bag of bricks dropped onto her head#which needs a little or a lot of patching up and Holt does that for her#actually hmmm I wonder if I should more visibly leave some marks of The Oopsie on her face#apart from the permanently broken biores crystals#gotta think on thatā¦#anyway I was especially Thinkin about how Wanze really does resent Holt for a while#itās complicated itās not completely Holtās fault#like she canāt control what happened she canāt bring back her bioresonance sheās a medical eule not a miracle worker#sheāll never really understand what it felt like to be part of that mind link#and that leads to some insensitivity on Holtās part bc sheās really trying to keep Wanze from decommission here#and Wanze! why are you moping you gotta act normal!! Come on Wanze!#neither of them really get each other bc theyāre both not stopping and listening like they need to#but they eventually do#also fun Wanze fact but post head trauma fixup she still has to/wants to go to the kolibri library#for stabilization yknow (sheās a nerdddd <3)#however itās weird and she hates it bc her fellow kolibris are there.#she does not sing the same song anymore and sticks out like a sore thumb when theyāre together now :(#she goes at really weird hours when no one else is there to make sure she doesnāt have to see them#Holt sometimes is able to get ahold of books for her#consider them cuddling together reading#that is all#blorbo tag#wanze#holt#Kolibug
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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me rereading the Redwall books for the first time in years: oh so that's why my first foray into writing was in the form of poetry
#there are so many songs in these fucking books!#tho I can't completely credit them for me writing poetry#bc I was actually like actively a fan of poetry I think before I got into Redwall#big fan of Emily Dickinson right here folks#(also side note I looked up one word that was in one of the books#bc I was like ''hmm wait am I pronouncing this right in my head''#and NO I was NOT I v much was NOT#it was an Irish word turns out so yeah it didn't follow English pronunciation#but the funniest thing is that later in the book this word is rhymed with another word#and somehow I NEVER fucking caught onto me pronouncing this word wrong before#but I mean it's a British author they rhyme things weird sometimes)#speecher speaks
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can i skip to tbc. can i just skip these last three books, maybe stagger through sqh, and start tbc, the arc im actually interested in? would you all judge me? am i missing anything of value from the latter half of avos. will my life be at all improved seeing the tree chapters. is there anything of worth in these unpleasant and meanspirited books.
#ok to be completely and totally fair. twigpaw has her warrior assessment in this book so we can assume perhaps that she and violetpaw#are now adults. so my previous comment abt him being a creep i take back#i mean i still dont like him and think its weird he hooked up with violet so soon but its no longer strictly creep territory i guess#still hate him though sorry#idk man i dont expect tbc to be any less meanspirited but at least it sounds interesting and fun#avos liveread#idk i can never read these books super quickly bc they legitimately exhaust me sometimes#and i think i like reading books that actually make me happy and avos is not that
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Theyre going to think I like canon and purely canon if I keep going on like this
#i. despite my many complaints. do enjoy comics. and going into the Comic Reading Fandom#there is a shocking amount of people who are purely in the fandom but have never interacted with the source#while i do believe its fine to dabble in something you haven't seen the source for yet but plan to#being a creating active presence in fandom for something youre not a fan of. just doesn't sit with me#its just a bit baffling. to be a fan of the fandom amd never touch the canon#like lifelong christians who attend every service and judge others based on gods word. who have never even read the full bible.#its just all the pastors word and stories n verses they grew up with#thats exactly how i see it I fear#fanon dynamics and tropes heavily overwhelm the canon. and i tend to prefer the canon. so it gets frustrating#not to mention how many popular ones completely flip characters. reinforce stereotypes. have even more confusing timelines. etc#its like the online fan equivalent of years of domestication and breeding that turned wolves to pugs#not that extreme but you get me#i mess with canon. i like to get silly with it. i like to fuck around#plenty of things i dont like i Will ignore or rewrite! or make an au where i can do whatever on earth i want#i dont respect canon or think its the end all be all and if you step one foot out of line of canon ill maul you like an angry dog#its just like! maybe read the one singular comic issue youre about base your entire interpretation on the fanon version of#this is ending in just me complaining about titans tower yeah. sorry. its the prime example i fear#but at least its easy to filter out#man! if i just had a way to filter things out better..#sometimes it reaches the point where i consider just blocking the entire tim tag. sorry tim#i Will uplift the community i desire instead of focusing on my hatred and complaining!!#i just need to get out of art block and find cool blogs to follow that Get Me to help me out first!!#unfortunately i have a really weird complex about following people especially if they followed me first!!!#not sure what thats about!!#but ill get to the other things!!!#i am also just a complainer though !#and i get into arguments alot without realizing it because i love noting every detail and correcting people!!#i tried to put every william mention and appearance from tse in a google doc. and with ralpho. thsoe got much easier when i got#digital copies of the fnaf books. but what im saying is i LOVE having all the facts n details abt my blorbos. esp in over detailed notes.fu#havijg all the references on hand! and sharing my precious beautiful knowledge. carefully noted bc my poor memory. very delightful. fun!
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Feel free to skip on past this, Iāve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didnāt know how to interact with them? I didnāt know what to say to them bc I donāt know what I needed to hear back then, what I wouldāve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldnāt let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didnāt know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didnāt know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still donāt even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I donāt think Iāve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. Iāve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe itās not the best now, or even that great at all, but itās better. I wish I couldāve told them but I donāt think theyād have wanted to hear it anyway
#im a rambling sam#Iām in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work#idk maybe Iāve been in a weird place all year probably#I donāt think Iām that far from where I was at that age but I know I am thereās just still so much further to go#one day I think itāll feel easier but maybe not today#I do love working w kids but Iām considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I donāt know if I can handle this#I can#but god I donāt know#in my heart Iām still that exact kid and sheās still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it#just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here#but by the time Iāve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I#I donāt know how to step into it#sorry sorry Iām still rambling Iām having a weird day I probably just havenāt eaten nearly enough in the last few days and Iām about to#start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I canāt stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think#we probably wouldāve gotten along#but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp#idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but thereās still a mute child in your ribcage#little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window#I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time#when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked#and Iād talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me#and now Iām here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head#now Iām the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest#when I talk to myself Iām talking to her#Iām giving her the assurance she needed back then#the assurance I still need now#I am here for her so I am here for myself#this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe itās time for bed
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you know at the end of the day today i was chatting w some other paras. i was a special ed para for a seventh grader today that's what i did. and the last block for them is just learning center and it's chill and it's friday and some of the kids were making pizza and no one was really doing anything or stressed or bothered so the kids and the adults just have various little shooting-the-breeze sessions although im usually not that active in these bc Im Shy, And A Substitute so i feel very out of place a lot of the time. but anyway i had never really talked much w either of the paras i was with today and we struck up a conversation about some stuff and one of them says to me "you know just so you know i LOVE your hair" and she turns to the other para and she's like "isnt it gorgeous? dont you love her hair?"
and i kinda blushed and said thank you a couple of times and looked down bc that's what i do when i receive a sincere-sounding compliment unexpectedly. and then i chatted a little more before i kinda drifted out of the conversation and opened my book and after a page or two one of them asked me about what i was reading (it's Song of the Cell: An Exploration of Medicine and the New Human by Siddhartha Mukherjee if you were wondering and i started it a few days ago). so i told them a bit about it and started chatting again on the topic of reading and i guess i was just naturally smiling and the same one who complimented my hair said "look at those dimples. i just can't w you"
#made me wanna cry a little. i was like thank u mom#felt beautiful at work. who do i tell this to?#tales from diana#i have never had my dimples complimented not to my memory at least#i kinda forget i have them bc i don't. i don't like. smile naturally and get a good view of them when i look in the mirror#i dont think they show up when i dont smile candidly either? unless im forced-smiling really hard#yeah idrk what they look like i guess#i received both of these compliments with a little bit of an 'oh shucks' (blushes) attitude#i have to say. it's not that i don't get complimented on my appearance. but most of the time it doesn't sound... don't wanna say 'sincere'#it doesn't feel like. FELT. as a compliment. a lot of the time#like sometimes it feels like courtesy. and other times. it feels like#someone will mention to me that im like young and pretty but theyll say it in a 'but im not impressed' tone which is really#odd bc. it's not like i asked?#it's like in a small way it's to 'put me in my place' or address some elephant in the room#like it's an annoyance to them rather than an expression of. you know. admiration#not that i need to be admired for my appearance but that's what i mean. like it felt nice#like a lot of the time ppl will tell me im pretty it sounds either like flattery or like some kind of weird anti-flattery#they're trying to give me a big head or they assume it's already big and they wanna deflate it#yeah that was nice tho. i talked w one of those paras for a pretty long time abt art and photography#she has a children's book coming out soon too and it sounded so interesting. i liked her a lot#i also like the kid i worked w today. i had been w her before but not in like 6 months. she's a sweetie
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to all the kidcore enjoyers and age regressors/dreamers that didn't get any toys, stuffed animals, or regression gear that they wanted for Christmas, just know that I'm right there with you and I'm giving you a great big hug
#bird chirps!!#anyways. really wanted calico critters and a new monster high doll#my mom couldnt find any calico critters#and idk i think she's just weird abt me getting more dolls sometimes#i dont want to sound ungrateful for any of the stuff she DID get me for any means bc i do like all of it a lot#(except for one of the books she got me just bc it doesnt seem very. good.)#she got me a ittle bear stuffed animal and a mary moo moo and i love them dearly#also a tiny table and chair set for my bear + another bear i'll buy in the future that also fits my mh dolls my coincidence#so i dont want this to be a gripe post or anything but it's just been hard this year for me#growing up and stuff#like i just want to be small. i just Miss It so much
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this is out of nowhere -and not fandom related- but I was wondering what is your favorite part of The Divine Comedy?
it's been soo long since i've read it, but i'd say that inferno is my fave part. it's the start of everything and i guess we could say i'm fond of it. plus the way dante built the layers of hell itself is sick af and fascinating and so is his journey. thematically i also really like paradiso, it's the end of the journey and he gets to take a glimpse at what really moves the entire universe and it's love, 'love that makes the sun and the stars move'. makes me need to sit down for a few minutes when i think of it
#ask#it's so weird for me to think of it as a book sometimes bc in our imaginary this is like the greatest work that ever existed that lives and#breathes the history of what italy was at that time. it shaped our language. dante and his works are the pillars of our culture it's SO COOL
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reading this blurb made me realise this is possibly the first time ive ever seen my own life experiences shared by another person. damn
#liiike who else up having childhood meningitis leading to moderate-severe deafness thats disabling but also 'not disabling enough'#exasperated by problems with new digital hearing aids GIRL ME TOOOOO we need to get coffee sometime#im reallyyy curious about this book now i wanna give it a go.. ive been meaning to read more abt deafness tbh#its never really bothered me before bc ive never really thought abt it that much. but actually theres very little lit on deafness#and also barely any fiction featuring deaf characters.... plus when it does exist theyre either a) old asf or b) fluent in sign#when actually like. if youre not raised with sign/dont have access to a signing community its very rare to learn it at all#ive met so many ppl irl across the deaf spectrum who cant sign like its WAY more prevalent than youd think#not that signing rep isnt cool!! but i guess no one wants to write deaf characters who cant sign bc then its not 'fun'#bit of a shame that ive never actually seen that massive part of my life + identity reflected in media like. ever lmao.#i mean ive seen more dyke rep than deaf rep.. which is weird thinking abt it bc deafness impacts my life so much more radically#anyway. might see if i can find a copy on abebooks š#Hearing Happiness: Deafness Cures in History by Jaipreet Virdi is the book if anyones curious i just saw it on someones reading reclist#.diaries
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i know im an adult now and i can watch the kids shows i wasnt allowed to watch as a kid like spongebob but it feels like im too late so i give up on knowing the generational jokes
#my dad wouldnt let us watch most things that were popular with kids our age except icarly it was mainly pbs shows and veggietales#both of those are good too but his reasoning for banning those other shows was we were 'too smart' to be watching them#he banned captain underpants and all comic and graphic novels too because he said we were better at reading than that so we could only read#heavily illustrated things at school. i still dont get that bc yes we are all good at reading but why cant we also enjoy lower than our#reading level books. sometimes when youre 8 you just want to read captain underpants and laugh at fart jokes#im a kid i dont need to be in 'getting smart lawyer study mode' 24/7 let me read what i want its not going to impact#my or anyones intelligence thats a weird thing to think
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#i watched everything everywhere all at once on my flight back out to the desert#it did make me cry and ive never cried reading or watching anything#like. its weird bc most of the movie i was like meh fine bc i dont care much abt action stuff and i already knew thr details of the plot#but even knowing the plot the rocks still made me cry. for a couple reasons. bc i have a cold and i feel pretty bad. bc im on my way back#to a place where i make myself miserable. bc my hormones r a lil weird rn. but mainly bc thinking abt what ppl r capable of#is so fucking amazing when this planet could just b a desolate conglomeration of materials#and bc runaway bunny is one of my fave kids book and bc i can relate to the everything everywhere mostly all the time#by brain gets so chaotic and cluttered its paralyzing and sometimes when i go running i feel like my thoughts r bees chasing me and i can#never quite outrun them and its exhausting. so yea i cried on a cluttered plane and gave myself a headache and it was really gross in my#mask. i would probably have been sobbing if i hadn't been surrounded by ppl lol im glad i didnt watch it around other ppl#its just the desire for someone else to see thr same thing u do and understand how badly its hurting and maybe u cant fix it but u can try#to make the best of the situation. sigh. im tired and sick and ive got bullshit to figure out#so it goes. but it was a good movie#unrelated
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So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this
#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book#fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary.#like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before#everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like#i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated?#i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it..#its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ???????#u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment#but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd????#my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up#WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID#even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL#HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY#stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult#its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes#but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college#bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done#now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling#to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk.#its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright#and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!!#crazy...#the gamer speaks uwu
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i am finally discovering a genre of character i actually really relate to! like, i personally relate to them rather than just love them a lot, i can hardly remember when that last happened to me, if ever, so that's cool. unfortunately, that genre of character is "protagonist of a tragedy severely doomed by the narrative and in no small way responsible for their own fate"
#a biscuit's rambles#i meann tbf i dont think its the severe depression they share that gets me#but like. as someone who tends to feel things very deeply and lean into emotions and also teenage hormone bullshit#but who is also severely uninterested in coming of age stuff or ugh romance#these are actually the first characters i remember encountering who were just.#overemotional. unstable. at least a bit depressed. dramatic. occasionally at the edge of losing it. impulsive. chaotic.#and sometimes they hurt people. and their being that emotional isnt usually good! its not like 'oh its okay actually learn to love yourself#the narrative is saying You Need To Get A Grip and thats just.#damn. THAT is relatable#sometimes i get too emotional and thats not always good! i lvoe feeling deeply but sometimes i do just need to get a grip!#and also im a young and unstable person being thrown around in life with no idea what to do next#maybe i have one goal but the rest is like. Happening i guess#and somehow i only see that in my stupid tragedy protags who are dooming themselves (affectionate)#idk. theyre not role models. theyre messy and often stupid and too quick and. theyre incredibly human#also you get a wide range of emotion besides love bc even tho love is very important its far from the only thing happening#looking at you coming of age stuff#(besides the fact that the characters in coming of age stuff usually arent just fucking Weird either so thats already no relatable)#idk i think the last time i looked at a character and went 'oh hey thats me' was when i was seven or eight and i didnt even realise#like only when i reread that book recently#so. idk. its kinda a big thing for me. and also i think its funny as fuck#*reading hamlet * whoa hes like me fr#(okay hamlet not as much as the other guy but still)
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